Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Cleaning out my closet

It seems like I spent all summer packing away last winter, now I am already packing away the summer and preparing for the coming of a new winter. All this packing up and unpacking and sorting through my "stuff" . . . living with a closet that is constantly full; feeling the heaviness of accumulation; exhausted from the vampires that take up space behind my closet door and deplete me with their passive- aggressive presence. It's REALLY time to clean out my closet . . . fuck all the taking out and putting back in - I want to feel the peace and contentment of emptiness - the lightness of being - the Zen of "less is more." I have come to realize that until I clean out my soul, my mind, my heart, I will forever struggle with the physical manifestation of a closet that is packed so tightly I can never find what I REALLY need at any given time, but especially at the critical moments. I have tried the piles of 'yes,' 'no' and 'maybe,' but eventually the demons of greed (of fear) fill the 'yes' pile with "I need, I want, I can't live without!" I have tried putting away the things that I should let go and hiding them in the basement, but like an addict, I eventually start remembering past possessions, and in seeking their comfort, I invite them back into my space (and back to my table for dinner . . . on me). My closet is full of shit that I don't need - full of things that weigh me down - filled with the past and all the things I could never let go. Soon, I too will have a crimson-red silk Christmas vest, like my Great Uncle Chet that comes out, with all of the other Christmas decorations, year after year. Did he wear that same vest every year because he could not let go of it? Because it was just easier to "know" what he would wear on Christmas Day? Did he think it's 'memory' would bring back his mother to the holiday celebration? Was it out of frugalness or a fear that there would never come along another red vest like the one he loved?

1 comment:

Michelle's Spell said...

Love the post and fantastic picture to go along with it! So glad to be catching up on everything!