"Mom . . . Steve died"
The middle-of-the-night voice on the other end of the phone; my daughter.
I didn't quite understand.
"What? Steve who?"
"My Steve!"
Her Steve, Nathan's daddy, my son-in-law.
Steve died while sleeping in his brother's chair. The irony of it: his brother lives in their childhood home - the same house Steve and his twin brother, Robert were brought home from the hospital as newborns . . . and the very same house that his twin brother died of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) . . . in his sleep. Steve never let go of his connection with his twin brother. Their bond was mysteriously strong. I feel in my heart that Steve never felt deserving of life - a life he felt Robert was robbed of as an infant.
I will always remember Steve's kind and generous heart, his infectious smile, his love of music and cooking and animals (especially his dog Zeus who died some years before) and his love of sleep! Like Nathan said, "At least daddy is doing what he loved to do - sleep!" Though he so enjoyed spending time with his friends - and he had many - he also valued his moments of quietness, solitude and contemplation. I will miss his big, warm hugs, the way he said, "I love you, mom," and the loving dinners he cooked for me. I miss Steve.
I have so much I want to say, but the words just won't release themselves from the tight grip of my heart.
Steven Michael Smith died on June 9, 2007 . . . at the age of Christ; thirty-three.
This past Friday, August 10, 2007 would have been his thirty-fourth birthday.
Sometimes life . . . insert sentiments here
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Sometimes life . . .
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10 comments:
My deepest sympathies go out to you and your daughter.
Life is so fragile...
Tragic.
The feeling of shock is profound--for us both. I'm sorry to hear that. My best wishes are going out to you. The best vibes for your sudden loss.
PS, Let a few words go at a time, for your eyes only, if need be. I don't know if it will help you, but you can let a few sentances loose and see what they say about it and how they might help you through this time. Take care.
E1313
Thank you, Dirk, Nick and Eric1313, for your kind and thoughtful words.
xo, Lindy
PS Nick, thanks for visiting my blog.
I feel as though I already know you from your comments on Lori's blog, which is to say that, much of a piece with what Lori does, you leave a trace of yourself on the cyberpage, a DNA trace of what Lindy is like in all her transactions.
Thank you for visiting my blog and for leaving such generous comments. I already get enough presence from your post and blog site to know you will weather the sudden hit Life has presented you,but nevertheless, my hopes that you find consoling feelings in music, words, images, and those living things about you.
Nothing bad ever happens to a writer.
Thank you, Shelly, for your generous comment. I will be visiting your blog regularly, as I love your posts that I have already read.
This is really sad, but I'm glad you wrote about it. The twins connection is deep.
Thanks for your sympathies, Erik.
I know, I have a fascination around the 'twins connection.' I had a twin who did not continue developing into a fetus - but there is still something there - something missing. I want to learn more about that.
Lindy,
What a horrible shock. I'm so so sorry. Sending you and your family all my love and good thoughts.
Hugs to you, and to your family.
This sort of shock is heartbreaking, but I trust that in your case "breaking" will mean "broken open to receive more gifts, known and unknown."
I have to echo Shelly's note here -- "Nothing bad ever happens to a writer." (And dang, how did he get to be so insightful?)
Sending you kind thoughts from far away.
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