It is said that 'nice guys finish last,' but I think it should be said; nice guys finish first, and if any one group does finish last it would be the kind guys.
Nice and kind are not interchangeable - their meanings are not the same. And yet, those two words have been misused and interchanged time and time again, with "nice" being the more popular of the two.
"He's such a nice guy . . . "
What ever happened to (one of my favorite sayings), "Nice people suck."
Because it's true - they do . . . they suck and they suck up.
"Nice" is of a social nature - and anything of a social nature is anything but genuine. Niceness is pleasant and agreeable in appearance, and appearances can be deceiving. Niceness is appropriate and fitting for the occasion.
Kindness is a virtue of the heart . . . kindness is real and palpable; loving and thoughtful, patient and forbearing; respectful and honorable. Kindness is born of intent. Kindness is an action . . . of the heart and soul.
I know a 'nice guy.' He is the 'yes man' to all of his friends. He knows the 'right' things to say and he's always around to give them (his friends) a helping hand. Nice. Nice guy . . . in public.
His friends don't hear his complaints and criticisms before and after his niceties. I do. I hear them. He is not usually kind. But he is usually nice . . . a nice guy . . . but usually not to me.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The "Nice" Vice
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6 comments:
I have heard people tell me I am kind but never have i heard them call me nice, usually because they know I would threaten them with an ass kickin' if they did.
Kindness to me is a moral obligation niceness is something that makes me shudder because of the reasons you define so well, now if you need a nice guys ass kicked...
Yeah, I agree. This is one of the big reasons people exhaust me. Niceness is confusing; I'm not sure where its boundaries end. Kindness is a relief, is sometimes not saying anything but not going away either. Other times kindness is saying the bitchiest thing ever that just really needs to be said if anything real is going to be saved. And if people aren't being real, what's the point?
Thanks Mark . . . just "thanks!" :)
And Dawn, you are so right - "niceness is confusing." And confusing things can be a scary - the unknown factor.
That's got quite a kicker at the end. Good post -- good luck with this Janus-faced "nice" guy! Must be a drag.
That's a huge distinction and very interesting to read, Lindy. I agree--and not out of niceness!
'Nice' people, like you say, are often letting themselves be trampled, then later they take it out on people who they think they can get away with treating like that. It is the road to passive aggresion, and a loathsome thing to put up with.
I must have just missed your post last night. I should have dropped by since we were both awake and reading at the same time.
You aren't alone; your a kind person who I bet is sick of being forced into a 'nice' role. That's what this post spoke to me of. Write anything you like and I'll be here to read it.
Take care, Lindy. peace out.
Yes, Erik, it is a drag and I'm being (correction: was being) dragged down by it all.
And Eric1313, how right you are about the 'nice' person taking their aggressions out with passive-aggressive behavior.
I was a "yes" person years ago...wanted everyone to like me and think I was "nice."
All that energy spent on trying to meet my "yes" commitments had me taking my frustrations out that way. I learned how to say "no" and rather than being called "nice," I was now a "bitch!" (LOL)
Not to sound like a feminist (because I am a "humanist") But, I think women are generally more kind - have a kinder spirit - which as Dawn explained; can come off as and be labeled as "bitchy." We do spend much of our young years being nice, but then we wise up!
Whereas most men tend to be "nicer," especially as they get older - in order to keep things quite (aka: shut everyone up!)
So it's a flip/flop with the sexes.
I don't know - it's just a little theory I have.
:)
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