Thursday, March 27, 2008

I'm bringing back the MULLET

I vote to bring back the mullet. Yes, I actually said that. No, I am not remaining anonymous. Yes, you heard me right . . . “Bring back the mullet! Bring back the mullet!” (Must be eighteen or older to participate. I will not be party to the damage which may or may not occur when forcefully cutting and shaping a small child's hair into a mullet - although I do admit subjecting my own children to wearing them, in my defense, I am a professional.)

Lately, given the everyday violence, the ongoing war and the poor economic conditions that have been wiping out an entire class of people, my people - the middle class, I was remembering the finer times of grander decades past – like the decadent eighties - a decade of abundance; prosperity; Dallas; Dynasty; the birth of MTV (when they actually played music); kick-your-ass shoulder pads; bright neon colors and bold eccentric patterns; save-us-looking-at-your-crack parachute pants; cheap gas and heavy metal; sexy exercise apparel without the hard work of actually working out; lots of makeup (on the women too) . . . and of course; big, BIG hair.

I’ve been in the beauty and fashion industries for over thirty years; I have seen many styles and trends come and go; I have experienced the underlying moods and attitudes that came and went with them . . . as art imitates life.

So, I was thinking of the possibility of the process in reverse: ‘life imitating art’ by taking the current depressed times back to a trend that would lift our spirits. And what better time or trend then the light-hearted days of BIG HAIR?

Hair, hair, long and big, beautiful hair has, through history, signified abundance, wealth, power, strength, freedom, sex and fun.

From kings and queens, politicians and barristers to wrestlers and bounty hunters. . . big hair makes a big statement.

One shaves his or her head to rid oneself of materialistic thoughts, to simplify ones existence, to minimize ones ego for spiritual purposes and to ignore the fact that one simply doesn’t have enough of the luscious adornment on top to make a statement. (Exception to the rule: Telly ‘Kojak’ Savalas . . . he was born bald and sexy)

Samson, whose power and strength came from his long hair, loses his strength when Delilah orders a servant to shave his locks.
Now what do you think about my idea of bringing back the big hair of the eighties, namely the mullet, and the philosophy of the mullet which is one we desperately need to re-adopt if we are to regain our sense of play during such sad and serious times . . . the philosophy being of course: “Business in the front; party in the back!”

A side note of history: David Bowie - the epitome of cool, the ultimate pop cult hero - wore the first mullet I can remember back in the seventies, and in all my excitement I cut my sister’s hair just like his (although she wasn’t really going for that much of an extreme and I had to pay for her Slurpies for a long time afterwards). Then, Florence Henderson shagged out the mullet and made it too mom-friendly and almost destroyed it forever.

Until along came our hair hero . . . Billy Ray Cyrus.

Billy Ray is, of course, the most recognized poster boy for the mullet. His poor achy breaky heart was ne’er broke again after he smiled a mischievous smile and turned around. Oh yeah! He wore his secrets down his back. We girls loved the party he had goin’ on and the fact that he was sharing the fun with us.

Now his daughter Mylie Cyrus - aka the mega-sensation Hanna Montana - has brought the Cyrus name back into the spotlight inspiring the younger generation of tweens and teens with her own special talent and style. But where does that leave us? What about us; the generation stuck between braced-teeth youthful optimism and not-yet-exhausted-social-security benefits? We need a hero. We need more laughter in our lives. We need something to occasionally take our minds off of the constant influx of bad news. We need more HAIR. We need a hair hero!

All I’m asking is for Billy Ray to step up to the plate and into my chair; to fulfill his duty as an American citizen; to help boost the economy and the morale of the American people by once again sporting a mullet . . . and wearing it proudly.

So, what do you say, Billy Ray? Don’t break my heart . . .

And while I’m on the subject of big hair, how about them Mall bangs . . . now that would definitely boost mall traffic, retail sales and lift the economy. Plus, it would put a fun, retro-spin on people watching.


Anonymous said...

It's really hard to tell from this that you're in the styling business.--Paul Mitchell(just kidding, it was fabulous, darlink)

Michelle's Spell said...

I'm with you on this one! I sort of miss that 80s excess in light of all the serious/depressing/sad business today. I had the big hair for a bit -- Texas in the 80s, you couldn't not at least give it a whirl. Like they say in Dallas, the higher the hair, the closer to God. But I've been sporting the Ted Bundy victim hairdo for as long time now -- straight and long. Got to change it up one of these days!

Pythia3 said...

Dear Paul Mitchell,
I am honored that you visited my blog...and yes, big hair is more fabulous than one may imagine. Think about it - you founded your company in the eighties; and you came out with your first product: Hair Sculpting Lotion, in the eighties. We needed that lotion to get that hair up was 'Viagra' for the hair up there.
Unfortunately you also died in the eighties - 1989 - RIP.
So, I am honored that my big hair dreams reached you all the way up there...but as Michelle pointed out--The higher the hair, the closer to God.
Now I know I'm being heard!
Thanks Paul,
and that's "darlenk" not darlink!

Pythia3 said...

I knew you would get it Michelle - being from Texas originally where everything is BIG...the bigger the better.
I love that--the higher the hair, the closer to God--it's true, as you can see from my first visitor, it reached heavenly proportions!
PS Detroit needs an 80's party! If we could go back we would see lil Kwame spinning his lil tale into a BIG tail fit for a rat.
Did you hear him last night on TV from church? "Prison, not jail, prison for a text message?"
I'm fairly certain rats drown in 'da Nile.'
No Kwame - text away on your time - but we're talking about purgery,men with families out of work, missing people, dead people, monies taken away from a city that is already fragile and in desperate need!
Get real! AHHHHHHHH!
Sorry, I had to get up on my soap box, now I'll step down and put it in Kwame's mouth. The soap, that is.

ElPato said...

You first!

Anonymous said...

I died? Oh fuck....--Paul Mitchell(have a good one!)

Erik Donald France said...

Yeah dawg -- BIG HAIR DAZE -- oorah

80s rock!

Big difference -- early 80s, mid 80s, late 80s, was there?

Maybe :)

I still go with Debbie Harry, late 70s as the precursor to all!

Pythia3 said...

To Elpato...thanks for visiting...well, I did just cut bangs into my hair - and I still have my crimping iron!

Pythia3 said...

Sorry Paul (Mitchell), I didn't want to be the one to break the news - I guess you been doing hair up there all along so you did not notice - good for you:)
Come to think of it, the last time I saw St. Micheal his long, flowing, angelic locks were very well you have him using the Awapuhi shampoo?

Pythia3 said...

Hey Erik - Debbie Harry is perrrrrrrfect for my campaign! Her name alone signifies 'hair hero!'
hehehe ;)

eric1313 said...

I used to have about three feet of black hair. That was in my wild band days. After a while, it got old and something had to change.

I miss it! I'll post a picture one day. If I can find one...